Forget it, Jake. It’s the Teen Choice Awards. The awards show that offers unwieldy surfboards as trophies for the winners released its first wave of nominees this week, and the people behind the show must have worked up some sort of master plan: Both One Direction and ex-member Zayn Malik are nominated for the coveted Fashion Choice Male Hottie prize. It is, however, unlikely that Malik will stand a chance against his former bandmates. The winners are chosen by the votes of actual teens, and Malik has left fans with little goodwill after he abandoned the group in favor of a solo career and his relationship with Little Mix singer Perrie Edwards. The ceremony will air on Fox on Aug. 16, so you have two more months to lose sleep until a victor emerges.
